i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
