just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
