listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
