I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
