I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Enjoy the penises
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
