The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
