his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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