I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
