Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
