Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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