I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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