just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
