Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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