Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
