why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
