i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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