my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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