She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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