I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
