Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
