you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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