I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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