If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
