Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
