just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
