Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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