Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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