So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
