Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Come on in and take your pants off
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