i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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