i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
