I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
