I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
