You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
