So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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