I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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