She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
