Swine flu. Run for my life!
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
