Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
