porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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