i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
