anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
