I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
