Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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