Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
