I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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