I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
