I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
