I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
