just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize