even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
