I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
