i jhust puked up my retainher.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
