can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
