Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
There's even glitter on my cock...
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