i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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