Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
