I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
