i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
