WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
