Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
