Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
