And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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