You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
