I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
