btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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