i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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