This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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