she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
