I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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